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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.