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Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).