Daily Silly Status

I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.

You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.

Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.

Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................

Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."

I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.

When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?

Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?

Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....

If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.

I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!

For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why

Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.

I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.