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I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.