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Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
Youth is wasted on the young.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?