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I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
How Big is Infinity?