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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?