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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent