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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?