Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.