Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)