Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.