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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative