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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Hold boobs not grudges.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.