Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!