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If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
If the shoe fits, buy it.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.