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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today