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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
I look so young for my rage.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.