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If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.