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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.