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I drink to make other people interesting
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?