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3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?