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Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.