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I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"ā¦
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
I just ran a .003048K
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
This day needs more yesterday.
If Iām ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.