Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.