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The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!