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The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.