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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.