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Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
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