Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now Iām legally required to pee sitting down.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium