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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.