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Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...