Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.