Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!