Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.