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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping