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In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?