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That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone