Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know