Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.