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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.