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Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance