Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.