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A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with