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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?