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Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.