Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.