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I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.