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I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.