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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.