Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.