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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.