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It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!