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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook