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It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.