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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
why we do not have a romance class...............
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?