Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
life is short play naked
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.