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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.