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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.