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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
People who think Iām not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
Iām not fat... my stomach is 3D.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.