Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
real eyes realize real lies
I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch