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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?