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I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.