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I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Home is where the pants aren`t.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”