Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.